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Karen - "Dream"

It’s 36 months since the event happened to me. I’m 44 now. The immediate environment and it’s events that occurred before and during the anomalous nde event are kind of bizarre so i’ll describe the anomalous nde and then I will tell you the environment of how it happened to me. I have more words 3 years later to tell what happened but really you cannot describe what it felt like or what you saw. It lasted several days. The first day of the dream was Friday, March 2002. The dreams were only two nights. My world changed after these dreams. But anyways, I’ll tell you the story of what happened:
I was down in Denver for a pow wow. I was a vendor for this weekend event. This was Friday night after opening night. I walked my friend A to her hotel room above me and at this point, I sat on the edge of my hotel bedroom alone and happy. I was painting my toenails, watching TV and listening to the radio all at the same time. All of a sudden, I noticed a small invisible presense that stood at the left hand side of my bed. This is bizarre to me, too and I don’t quite understand how I knew it was there. But it was there. I immediately thought it was a friend A of mine, the size of it (sight unseen) was right for that person. I wasn’t afraid or didn’t make it go away. You know what I did? I went to sleep. Pretty soon after it’s appearance, I went to sleep. This is weird because it watched me the whole time I continued painting my nails, watched TV and put myself to bed. Normally, I would not let something do that. I would throw something at it, yell at it and got it out of there. I wasn’t scared because I thought it was that friend. I was not on drugs, medication or alcohol.
I went to sleep immediately. Inside me, I know how quickly I went to sleep. I dreamt that I was looking at friend A and another friend B. They were in complete blackness, only their faces were visible. I didn’t see their bodies, maybe they didn’t have any. I didn’t have one at this point. I could see them both talking to me, mouths moving constantly. No sound came out. A was competing with B for me and friend A won. Instantly, we were inside a black cave with a fire in front of us. A was doing something important with the fire.
Something else from somewhere else told me to pray. This voice was not connected with A. I prayed like this voice told me to do. I close my eyes when I pray so this is what I did. I closed my eyes and was not looking into the fire. Praying brings me to a higher place when I pray in real life. I sing, chant, sometimes spin slowly and my spirit soars. I can bring myself to a trance state based on love. This is what happened to me literally at this time. I was instantly shooting up into the sky at an incredible speed. I shot straight through roof, the thunderstorm, out into deep space.
I was not alone. Some things were with me. I didn’t get a chance to look at them. They were invisible or not showing themselves to me. It was more than one. They were helping me. I was totally unafraid, serene, and loved, taken care of by whoever I was with. They loved me and I was totally unconcerned and instead of feeling unusual, crazy or bizarre, I was completely at ease, been here before seems.
They showed me different sights. I was blown away by the sights I seen so I’m glad I don’t remember anything else if we went anywhere else. Nothing was scary, it was just so incredible! We were way far away from earth. At one point, they showed me endless planets in darkness. It was beautiful and soundless. We were in a place and it was a place of no perspective. There were endless beautiful planets. They looked like endless white balls all around us. They didn’t decrease in size as perspective dictates. I could see all around me and incredibly far away. It was incredible. My peripheral vision was greatly increased. That’s the bizarre part too of looking at these planets. I didn’t feel bizarre then though but the memory of seeing like that is weird. It’s like Wow!
They took me up to an incredibly big building, castle like, magnificent in its size. It was enormous. I can’t tell you how big it was. It was clouds all around it and inside it or mist or something like that. I was inside of it. I was in front of a gigantic doorway. I looked to my right and it was an almost endless hallway. I looked to my left and it was almost an endless hallway. The place was huge. There were clouds or mist all around and it was yellow lit, not a bright sunshiny day like, but a warm hued light. I didn’t notice shadows or anything like that. It was huge and warmly lit. My invisible friends guided me, continuing to talk straight to my head. I never heard their voices through my ears.
Besides me and my friends, I wasn’t aware of anyone else but I knew even though the hallway was empty, the place was not empty.
The door I faced was gigantic. The voice again told me to pray. They told me I was there because I could pray like that. They said I was there to pray like that. So I did what has become second nature to me; I prayed. Not long, pretty much immediately, I prayed myself into a higher space, a trance. I was immediately in another place or something like that. I was in the presence of a white light and I was a white light too. I became a white light. I wasn’t standing in front of a gigantic door. I was streaming love and made of love. I don’t think you can explain this part very well. It’s incredible and this endless, eternal love part is the most incredible part. I was aware of being a white light and it was the praying and love streaming that was part of what made me the white light. It was connected somehow. I was love, happy, endless, connected and one. It was a high state of being. I was love and streaming love, love flowed in and out of me. I was a connection point of love. I was a white light for hours, in a prayer love trance for the rest of my sleeping this night.
I woke up from being a white light by the ringing telephone on Saturday a.m. by my traveling pow wow buddy Aggie. She is an elderly Muskogee Creek woman. We’ve traveled together in the past. . It was 8:30 a.m. It was more like I opened my eyes and I was in the hotel room laying on my bed wide awake. I immediately got up. It was friend A ringing me so I could meet her in 1⁄2 hour downstairs to begin our busy day. I marveled at how untired I was considering that I just stayed up all night being a white light. It was pretty bizarre that I remembered the night’s events. I ran my “dream” memories through my head, still marveling that I was not tired from staying up all night as a white light. I didn’t tell her about it.
The day was busy and passed normally. Lots of coffee. After a long day and at night around 11:00 p.m., I walked my friend A to her room and walked back down to my room on different floor. No appearances by spooky wooky. Nothing unusual. I was unafraid even by last night’s appearance and I just did my normal thing, brush teeth, etc., watch tv and go to bed. I immediately went back into this dream of being the white light. There was no preliminary of flying up though the sky. I was just there again. I was in the same place up in the sky and I was a beautiful streaming white light again. I sense I arrived by prayer trance again. It’s very bizarre that I would immediately go into a same dreamscape from the night before. But I was in the same way of being. I was a white light streaming endless love. I stayed this way until my friend Aggie again woke me up at 8:30 a.m. Again I marveled at how untired I was.
Only this time, it was a bit unnerving that I would have the same intense experience while I “slept”. I didn’t equate it to sleeping. In hindsight, I understand that my body slept while I went out and did my thing. Only I had the memory of doing this eternal thing while my body slept for hours until Friend A’s wake up phone call again at 8:30 a.m.. I was kind of freaked out and that day, I was a bit distracted as the events played out.
The weird events was that on Sunday; Aggie started telling me things that I was shown by her in the dream. In the daytime during this busy pow wow, she was telling me how to kill people using medicine and a candle/flame (she explained pretty good how to do this). I was in shock that someone would say these bad medicine things so plainly and that it was the same thing I was shown in my dream on Friday night. She also kept telling me that she had something to give me. In Indian way, I knew not to say “what did you say” or “what do you have for me? Give it to me.” This would invite trouble so I basically said nothing as she kept talking. She eventually got mad at me and left the pow wow early unexpectedly. She left about 3:00 in the afternoon and the pow wow lasted until 9:00 in the evening.
That night after a full day, I was apprehensive about going to sleep. I was so apprehensive that I didn’t allow myself to lay down and go to sleep until 5:30 a.m. By this time, I knew it had something to do with my friend A. She had left the city by this point and I knew I was in no danger anymore from her but the entirety of the events had left me shaken and I didn’t want to chance sleep even though inside me, I felt immediate danger was gone.
I don’t remember my dreams that night and I woke up normally about 9:30 a.m. A bit tired as I should be but feeling happy as I normally am when I wake up. I took care of business tasks in the city before I caught my flight out mid-afternoon to go home. Layovers so I finally arrived in Detroit around 12:40 a.m. or something like that.
Parents picked me up and we had coffee and cookies on the way, I slept at their house instead of going to my house behind them. Uneventful night. I didn’t tell my parents about what happened to me. I didn’t really know how, I didn’t know what happened, the context of the event was out of my range of usual knowledge. Also, I was still in the event, it didn’t immediately go away.
After sleeping late after my plane ride, I went to my house to work. I was different. I knew I was different and I felt it was not right. Self preservation kicked in and I began cutting art. The method I used this time was pretty simple and mindless. For self preservation, I knew I had to do something. I knew it was serious and I needed to keep it together by continuing this simple task. I cut for two days making a big pile in front of me. It kept me together. I lived with my house in mist past Wednesday.
I knew it was related to praying because I tried praying once on Tuesday but I quickly went into a trance, nothing stopped me. If I closed my eyes in meditation, I was gone to another place. This freaked me out and I stopped praying for a long while. My mind can go instantly empty when I pray or want to and I can still do this. I only started praying for real about 2 weeks ago now. I can feel the trance come on but I’m not fighting it in fear anymore. I still don’t want to go fully into a trance though.
Wednesday, I said “Wow, I could just go with this” in my misty house and contemplating how the fake wall separating dream and awake was truly an illusion. At that point, I felt like it was falling into something when I said “Wow, I could just go with this”. But then my body saved itself when it immediately said “Naah” and “I” kept non-existant ego with body together. I felt like I was literally up in the sky for weeks. I even said “I’m up there. We live up there” to my cousin in front of my mother. I don’t drink but I drank on Friday hoping to feel my body in pain Saturday and come back to where I was supposed to be. I was literate, lucid and normal acting but my body awareness was completely different. I included everything including up in the sky and all around me. I drove and said “Wow, how can I be driving when I’m everything? I’m that bush over there” When I looked at things, I would actually feel becoming one with them. Inanimate, animate objects, anything. I felt like I was everything and kept trying to contemplate the word “I” to make it’s meaning to come back to me. Late May, I could not process “I” but by late July, I was some kind of “I” but changed in many ways, including having to relearn a lot of simple art techniques I had made up for myself. I had dissolved into everything and anything I could imagine. I was radiating love and made of love and lived in a little love bubble known only to myself. I got heavily into Buddhism. Buddhism helped me so much. But gradually you have to go back into the world made of all emanations or make the decision to be a monk.
I was working casual relief for a shelter and supposed to be opening a store in a local mall (poor location so probably a good thing as Martha would say) but instead I ran away and pow wowed from the beginning of July- mid-September. This I could do as I’m a vendor selling my art. Luckily me and my traveling friend Patty met some good people who took care of us. By this point, I was physically trembling almost constantly. I think this was the shock, not knowing what happened, I still didn’t tell people. I told Patty a bit but I don’t think you can articulate it fully. Patty is a good pow wow person and we are very psychic together. We ran across a few places with strong energy during this trip but even before trip, interesting psychic things happened.*
The trip ended and I began putting my life back together. It’s tough at times. Actually my fear of praying is ending recently. My fear of looking into the night sky is gone and sometimes the thunderbirds come down to see me. It’s hard to explain but sometimes when I go outside on a cloudy day, I feel a radiation of love they send down to me. I have weird dreams where I am awake inside my sleeping body. It’s hard to explain but I’m awake with an empty mind watching out for my body. and also I leave my body and have come back to reside in my heart area. I wake up in my heart area. That’s how I know our spirit resides in our heart.
* One time about one year before my dream/anomalous nde event, Patty seen me when I was in spirit form. She still believes that I was running away from her in a casino. I was out in the van sleeping hard and couldn’t wake up. I was dreaming that I was running around in that casino. It was fun. Anyways Patty come out to the van after I woke up in the van and was laying there unable to get up. I couldn’t move I was so tired. She says “Why were you running away from me in the casino?” I said “No, I wasn’t”. She said “Yes, you were”. I said “No, I wasn’t. I just woke up. But you know what? I was dreaming I was running around in there.”Anyways she still doesn’t believe me. She thinks I was in there running away from her in body form. But I was moving fast and I remember it as being fun. I was right in the crowded casino with the one-armed bandits and the poker tables. I was right in people’s faces and I was zooming around in their midst. I knew I was running around mischievous but she thought I was running away from her. Maybe I was. I had snuck out to the van to go to sleep so she could have a nice time in there gambling.
Also, about a year before the dream-Aggie event, Aggie tried to give me some special stones as we picked her up in Ohio to swing down to Louisiana for a pow wow. I refused to touch them and Patty, my friend, said let me see them and put her hand out for Aggie to give them to her. Aggie only wanted me to handle them. Now’ I’m glad I didn’t.
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