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Lyn - "All Pervading Intelligence"

I am thankful to have found what I have spent a lifetime looking for, but I must begin slowly, softly, if I am to offer any remnant of the majesty of the experience. I'll take each word and let it drop carefully into the pool of consciousness, asking you to hear the sound of what is being said, to feel the enormity of what lays beyond this everyday layer of social awareness. Take the feeling inside as you listen to me whispering its glory.
There is a state of being; a living
All-pervading Intelligence that is at once ethereal, and fluidly weightless, yet thick and alive; existing in each molecule of matter it is here now in this reality, waiting for our collective consciousness to become aware of It.
And though I have found what I have been seeking, fretfully, in my need to pass this on, I am only too aware of the way humanity looks through a conditioned eye. This challenges my ability to communicate, and I know I'm not up to the task. If what I am speaking of were so obvious then surely it would not have taken me so long to recognize?
I guess I am asking for your indulgence, for I do have information, and maybe my puny words will be enough for some of you? Perhaps it would help if I referred to the days prior to this awakening. The comparison might assist. This diary entry indicates the depth of the darkness.
28th Jan 2001
Have lost it again! Not through depression but through a physical reaction to the isolation I have placed myself in. My energy level is so low I can barely think, indeed I have to force these words onto the paper. There's a real problem here because I feel to be at the bottom of the pit. It's dark and weak in vitality, restricted, with no direction; no purpose, yet strangely I am loathe to contact or talk to anybody. I know I must sit at the bottom of this still, empty, nothingness. For all my insights and freedom of attitudes, if I can't find my enlightened core then living is useless.

This diary entry was written only a few days before my peak experience. One could almost say it was the forerunner to a type of near-death experience. For many weeks I had been avoiding physical as well as mental contact with the outside world. Every day repeated the day before as I sat alone in my house. I could feel my energy diminishing, yet I persisted, almost as if it was a scientific experiment. I watched my own reactions, taking note, analyzing and recording, waiting for --what? I was aware this had become an important crossing point, but could not see through the fog of my own confusion.
Meanwhile something was changing, was moving closer. Oddly enough when eventually it did happen the experience was nothing like I imagined. Diary ponderings at this time told me that life simply IS. That living is BEING. Intellectually I understood that in the larger scheme of things, the small self did not exist; put simply being was unconditional love itself; two days later I recorded this:
How do I reach you? I have tried and tried, but the focus of the intention is leading me away from the reality of a higher form of self. I lay watching the apricot tree outside my window and I can feel its soft beingness. It is simply there. Calmly standing, moving with the wind yet it is not moved. There is such stillness in this tree as the wind tears through it. It is rained upon and accepts the water as another necessity. Impassive, immovable, forever growing, I feel its strength and its gravity, but most of all I am aware that it IS. It is living now, without a past or a future, but the only way I can be aware of this is by comparison. I pitch my own wasted helplessness against its impassive being and the tree helps me to know that I am caught in my ego self. That I am unable to just be while I still have expectations. Maybe I am at the eye of the needle. Maybe I shall remain a seeker --with all the expectations that this state brings-- for the rest of my life! I know I must remain in this extreme state if I am to reach the unity I hunger for. I have read there is no experience beyond consciousness, only the experience of being. They say the state of pure awareness is beyond our consciousness. I know at quantum level, consciousness itself is full of gaps; an intermittent state we move in and out of even though there is a continuity of identity. I think the states I have found myself in over the years show this. As other realities descend, gaps mark my consciousness --so where do I go during these gaps of consciousness? What is this sense of identity that supports me like a puny rope bridge over the chasm of lost awareness? Is it the mystical self, waiting inside the cathedral of my mind?

I felt it was. I was reaching another plateau, and as is always my way, it was tainted with uneasiness: still the question of my identity needed an answer. Since the birth of my son, I had occasionally touched on the knowledge that we are beyond the mind. Now semi-retired, for the first time in my life I was free. Gone were the pressures of dependency, expectations, and duty. But instead of freedom I whirled into panic, lost energy and ended curled up at the bottom of the dark pit where the solid self was collapsing under the weight of self imposed emptiness. The sense of self was vaporizing. It was both terrible and fascinating, and I continued to watch and record the cyclonic mood swings.
Occasionally I would feel a sense of It. I would begin to cross that bridge into bliss, but ego always stopped me half way. Many people experience this state of bliss, as the small I eases back its grip on what it believes is reality. For an increasing number of us there is a chance of obtaining this state. It depends on just how attached we are to our beliefs and identity.
Let us start with this formless intelligence I have now connected with. Here, beneath the eyes and above the page, hovering formlessly before you is an intelligence of enormous magnitude. It waits for you now. If you can open up to this reality, allow contact to be made-- then read no further for the recognition is already beginning.
I had no awareness of such an entity, so the contact was made almost by accident.
It was in a meditative state that I held my needs aloft and imagined them being pressed into my brain. I did not rationally pick the area but for some reason it was just above my right temple. This maybe important because there is so much of our physical functioning we do not understand. The
All Pervading Intelligence, understanding the motivation behind my strange action, pulled the mind-switch, which opened a new channel, sweeping me up into an ecstasy beyond description.
But I suspect none of this is making sense. Maybe we could try an analogy. It was as though I had created a pad of clay inside my head and as I pressed my aching want into its softness I was filled with an electric force beyond anything I had ever known. Joy washing through me in waves, lifting me to a new level of passion and wonder. It was exquisite; sadly though I can find no words to express its creative power.
Eighteen months later I can say with absolute certainty that this intelligence hovers inside each molecule of matter interpenetrating everything in its all pervading formlessness, waiting for us to interact with its mystery. It exists in us right now! While it is inside us, we operate our daily live unaware we live within its intelligence. But I did not know this when I experienced its reality for the first time. An explosion took place, such as I had never known, and all I could do was to thank It over and over and the more I acknowledged the wonder, the more profound the experience became. I am very aware that this sounds like a religious experience, and maybe those people who say they have been reborn into Christianity or have found Jesus, have had exactly the same experience. Not being Christian, and being very aware of the illusions Mankind can create for itself, I simply want to refer to this aliveness as a supreme intelligence. I don't think God has anything to do with this. I believe such transformations are an intrinsic part of the human process, written into our DNA and available to everybody. At any time in our lives, at any moment we have the right to reach out with our slender tentacles of awareness and make contact with this intelligence. It is a special mind-stuff of the heart and it packs every tiny cavity of our lives, inside us, around us, permeating everything. So you see I am not talking about the remote god of religion or myth - I am talking about a living intelligence that is what we are... the rest is the illusion of thought.
See why I say I must begin slowly, softly, if I am to offer any remnant of the majesty and wonder that we live within? I know of no other way than to say again, there is an
all pervading intelligence moving throughout the world, and like a mass of energy, like a flash of sunlight, like a whisper of wind, it pervades everything. It is joyful beyond understanding, and it belongs to us all - or maybe we belong to it?
All my life I had been examining the question of identity, searching for what I felt would be the ultimate experience. I had no idea that Love was actually an identity in itself! Always the question of Nirvana has sat like an indisputable rock. I wondered what this state could be; deciding it must be a loss of self because that's what the masters spoke of. Consequently I worked away using the intellectual concepts of reality trying to understand who I was so I could rid myself of who I was. The paradox was ridiculous. For example, I did not feel female or male, mother or daughter, best friend, breadwinner, lover or owner. Indeed whenever I looked for myself I found I did not exist. Now I am in contact with a far greater reality, so none of this matters. The mind standing alone always distorts, but the mind as it interfaces with Love disappears altogether. Without the inclusion of this
All Pervading Living Intelligence, words are like sawdust and the intellect becomes the mind traps of the ego. These days I find that there is emptiness in dialogue and debate and the thrust and parry of intellectual communication has become a pathetic plaything without the tangible adornment of unconditional love.
In our cynical, competitive society we have tried to either deny unconditional love or align it with some type of new age doctrine. None of this works because it is in us! It is not to be worshipped it is to be experienced! Unfortunately the word love has been so abused that I'm wary about how to use it in a way that includes but moves beyond western story and song. Perhaps it might be better to go back to the first statement and say there is a formless intelligence waiting within you, ready to be recognized whenever you are ready.
After the first magnificent contact I was a little afraid to approach this wonder again. At that point I had no idea it was part of the very matter that forms us. I felt as though if I tried too hard to imprint myself into its softness, I would wear out the joyous feeling.
Unfortunately what I suspected did start to happen. The power of the energy diminished each time I attempted to feel it again. I was caste immediately back into my pit of doom. Had I found it only to loose it again? Then understanding flashed! When we perceive anything the mind-interpreter, the maker of memory cleverly takes the experience and replicates it. This is fine if one is learning to drive a car, the automatic function smoothes the actions and one can drive almost without thought. Congratulations to this interpreter, its process helps us enormously, but paradoxically it also deadens us to much of what living has to offer.
In my case I had made contact with the most ecstatic adaptation of living, yet I was loosing that contact. Symbolically I saw this as what happens when we wipe muddy shoes on a doormat. Each time we wipe, mud piles on top of mud until we have lost all contact with the mat. So it is with any experience. Each time we respond to the known feeling we are further from the original. All we have is a memory therefore most of our living is nothing more than an illusionary impression of that initial impact. A conditioned response. The first time, when the information is received and passed through to memory, it is interpreted then filed away. This process causes us to loose the colour and the sound of the sparkling original, no matter what it might be. It really is not worn out - in fact it remains forever fresh and alive has just been hidden behind automatic reaction. Apply this to music, clothes, food, and paintings. Even more dramatic; apply it to a close relationship. One can understand how some people are addicted to seeking more and more in an effort to rediscover the original sensation. The blandness of our lives is often due to how our interpreter has copied the original perception. So it was with my joy. As soon as I realized how the whole human process operated, my original impact was once more revealed, and I was transported permanently back into rapture.
So it was then, that through this subtle discovery that the mystical experience I had been seeking for so long was made. I know - with absolute certainty - that if it has happened to me, it can happen to anybody! Simply by allowing contact to be made we can activate the pervading intelligence lying within everything. There is no need for a near-death experience, an out of body experience or the proverbial apple to come crashing onto one's head. We live within a broad band of energy which gives and maintains life; operating within this energy structure is a most sacred mind waiting to make contact. It would appear that reality is simply veiled spirit, and once the heart is opened there is no relevance to most of the questions keeping us so occupied.
My contact with the all-pervading intelligence has shapeshifted many times during the past year. Now it only needs my full attention to be embraced. Awareness of this entity has loosened the roots of my expectations, reformed my belief structure, dismissed the need to prove my worth, reduced the power of my ego, and most remarkable of all, has dispelled most of my fear. Each day I reach for the wonder of this formless,
all-pervading intelligence - now a living part of my life - always grateful, always in awe, but always knowing the surge of love will enter even as I begin to think about It.
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