The Website of PMH AtwaterOne of the internet's most comprehensive sites on the near-death phenomenon!

One of the internet's most comprehensive sites on the near-death phenomenon!

NDE and Aftermath after Suicide Attempt

My name is Jayne. I am now 53 years ago. When I was 19 I had a near-death experience from a suicide attempt.
I felt a great sense of freedom and joy in my experience, and a sensation of myself expanding like a water droplet becoming conscious of the vastness of the ocean. An ocean of love. I was also moving and thought it was further than the solar system.
At this point I thought "fear" and realized I did not have the human-physical reaction that accompanies fear. I realized I was not physical, and I wasn't concerned. As I continued to move through "love," which powerfully increased in intensity, I then passed through "intelligence," which was absolutely "mindblowing."
Then I heard singing but not voices. It was like tones that were so wonderful I believed it was angels singing. I lived and moved and had my "being" in God. It was bliss. I continued moving past beings that had no physical bodies, but were energies and there were lots of them. It was like moving through a crowd of energies - they moved so I could pass through.
I came to a place and there was a "being" who's energy expressed surprise and alarm at my arrival. Behind this "person" were many beautiful rainbows. They were so beautiful that later, when I was fully humanly conscious, I thought they must have been the "Pearly Gates." Like a spiral/ Vortex and in three twists, I was no longer there. As I was returning, I heard clearly the word..."teach." I was in a coma and unconscious for a week.
When I came to, I thought I had been kicked out of heaven. I knew, as if I had been spoken to by a higher authority, that I must never again attempt suicide; and I had this conviction that the only thing that mattered was love.
It was 18 years later that I became a teacher. (I was 37 when I graduated.) I have since acquired a few more degrees inspired by the Holy Spirit within me. I have had a very traumatic life, and often felt that maybe I was insane to believe my experience was real. I have shouted at God for giving me such an awesome experience, then making me go through hell on earth. I couldn't understand why I was sent back to experience abuse and then despair when later, as a single divorced parent, each of my three sons rebelled and went to detention centres and jail.
There were many times I felt like suiciding, but a reverential fear from my experience prevented me - so I used to cry to God that even the wonders of heaven weren't worth the pain I was going through as a mother. My boys are in their 20s now and are still "finding themselves" - but not breaking the law.
Two years ago I moved 300 km away from family to work with Aboriginal students. My experience had taught me unconditional love, and, as a mother, I had put it into practice and also practiced it as a teacher.
I have great success managing students with behaviour problems and relating to troubled children. I have a thirst for knowledge around the relationship between thought/thinking, feelings, and behaviour.
After I moved I met a lady who held angel readings. She rang me one day and said the angels asked her to give me a CD that someone had given her, and she had forgotten about. It was Doreen Virtue's "Indigo, Crystal, and Rainbow Children." For 36 years I had thought the rainbows in my experience were gates to heaven, and I was not allowed to enter. The nanosecond it took to tell me the name of the CD, I understood that what I had seen were unborn children.
I had often wondered if the message "to teach" meant in a secular school, teaching the curriculum of the country/state, or, did it mean to teach about God and heaven? Three years ago I decided to study a Grad Cert in Christianity just in case, but half way through I had so many obstacles I had to stop. The last two years at work have been horrific with workplace bullying and violent students. However, I had learnt skills such as restorative practices and teaching the "virtues"/values that were as close as possible to what I had experienced. I implemented these in the classroom with many successes.
This year, work bullies have all moved on and I have a new boss who is an inspiration. He teaches "Circle of Courage and Response Abilities Pathways". . . every child is a sacred being. I am currently studying neuroscience, and know without doubt that I will be pursuing further studies/research doctorate. Something to do with Aboriginal education.
I have never known another person to have a similar experience and it has alienated me somewhat from the rest of "humanity," because I have such a different perspective. I also have been single all this time and rarely meet single guys, and haven't had a "date" for years. I am attractive and intelligent, but they just haven't crossed my path - yet!
I go to church which is the closest thing to meeting other spiritually aware people, but I still have a very different perspective on religion and its governing laws. I have recently learnt about the laws of attraction and seen YouTube videos of Abraham-Esther Hicks, which have been very exciting for me. I am now in school leadership and teach teachers. Are these the "Rainbow children"? I never got a book of instructions, nor did I get encouragement or support to follow my path. In fact, it has been the opposite.
I love my spirituality and meditate/pray many times during the day. I trust God is leading me, because I don't have a clear picture or direction. I just get serendipitous inspiration and I "have to" follow, knowing that it comes from the Source.
There are times when I've refused to follow this inspiration, but it is like someone nagging at me from within, so I cannot ignore it as it gets stronger over time. I usually find great joy and spiritual stirring from following these inspiration, but, at the same time, I am required to make great sacrifices and work very, very hard. Usually it means I have no time to socialize and am alone studying/working and reliant on God as my strength. I am still confused, even though I see some sort of direction emerging.
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